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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24093559">farewell wanderlust</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/WordsAblaze/pseuds/WordsAblaze'>WordsAblaze</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Witcher Fics [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Feels, Bisexual Jaskier | Dandelion, Gen, Hurt Jaskier | Dandelion, Immortal Jaskier | Dandelion, Insecure Jaskier | Dandelion, Jaskier | Dandelion Has Feelings, Jaskier | Dandelion Loves Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Jaskier | Dandelion Needs a Hug, Jaskier | Dandelion Whump, Jaskier | Dandelion is a Mess, Jaskier | Dandelion-centric, Lowercase, Possibly Unrequited Love, no beta we die like jaskier doesn't, overuse of italics oops, seriously everything else is barely mentioned</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 22:54:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,388</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24093559</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/WordsAblaze/pseuds/WordsAblaze</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>jaskier is eighteen and fuelled by wanderlust, but then jaskier is eighteen and wonders if he's lost...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia &amp; Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Witcher Fics [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1726360</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>158</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>farewell wanderlust</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i'm basically feeling angsty today and wanted to write one of these lowercase fics so yeah...<br/>title is from the song of the same name by the amazing devil, just in case you didn't already know ;p</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>jaskier is born,</p><p>and he is small, an infant, a child, nothing more than the potential of new life.</p><p>he is and yet he is <em> not </em> , for he is too young to know what it truly is to <em> be </em> and all he really knows are the hands that pass him around and the arms that hold him close.</p><p> </p><p>jaskier is one,</p><p>and he is capable of only garbled noises that suffice as weak imitations of words;</p><p>he enjoys being lifted up and thrown in the air and he does little but sleep and eat and watch the people around him, his eyes blue and bright and <em> innocent </em>.</p><p> </p><p>jaskier is two,</p><p>and everything he knows makes no sense;</p><p>he knows that he will be given food if he cries but he is also sometimes left <em>alone</em> in the <em> dark </em> and there is <em> no </em> way to tell which outcome it will ever be and so he cries anyway because he <em> knows </em> nothing.</p><p> </p><p>jaskier is three,</p><p>and he is learning how to talk just like the tall people he’s surrounded by</p><p>but he doesn’t <em> understand </em> why they don’t want him to talk, they only sharply hush him and place their fingers on his lips and whisk him away and he just doesn’t <em> understand </em> and-</p><p> </p><p>jaskier is four,</p><p>and his hands sting from being hit with wood</p><p>because he is too much and not enough all at the same time and he can’t fathom <em> why </em> he isn’t allowed to express what he thinks, wishes, <em> wants </em>.</p><p> </p><p>jaskier is five,</p><p>and he is told to be quiet and learn as the other children must do,</p><p>and he tries but he can’t sit <em> still </em> and he doesn’t want to remember all these numbers and he wants to chase the <em> music </em> outside his window but he’s not allowed to leave his room.</p><p> </p><p>jaskier is six,</p><p>and he is not tall enough to reach the shelves,</p><p>even though everyone thinks he <em> should </em> be so he <em> falls </em> and hits his head and hurts his ankle but his father <em> shouts </em> at him and he doesn’t get to eat lunch with everyone else for a month and he almost forgets what <em> proper </em> food tastes like by the end of it.</p><p> </p><p>jaskier is seven,</p><p>and there are bruises on his wrists from where he’s been pulled away</p><p>repeatedly, because he is too loud and too <em> noisy </em> , children are meant to only be <em> seen </em> but he’s not even worthy of <em> that </em> and there’s nothing he can do to impress anyone and it makes him so <em> sad </em> because he’s <em> trying </em> and he can’t-</p><p> </p><p>jaskier is eight,</p><p>and he is good at poetry.</p><p>or, at least, that’s what the travellers say, but he’ll take their word as <em> law </em> because they <em> smile </em> at him, encourage him, make him feel <em> alive </em> for the first time in <em> so </em>long.</p><p> </p><p>jaskier is nine,</p><p>and he has decided that he hates his name;</p><p>it’s only ever used to call for him so he can be ordered around and <em> punished </em> or teased and <em> insulted </em> and he doesn’t want to be <em> himself </em> anymore but he doesn’t think there’s anyone <em> else </em> he can be.</p><p> </p><p>jaskier is ten,</p><p>and he is meant to feel special but he doesn’t</p><p>and his mother <em> hisses </em> at him when he can’t figure out to convince the guests at his party that he’s quiet and happy and everything they <em> want </em> him to be because he’s not, he’ll <em> never </em> be-</p><p> </p><p>jaskier is eleven,</p><p>and he decides he wants to run away</p><p>but he’s <em> foolish </em> and he writes it down and someone finds his notebook and all he gets for his planning is a month locked away and the lute he’d been gifted from a traveller <em> smashed </em> in front of his eyes and he can’t stop himself from crying and <em> crying </em>-</p><p> </p><p>jaskier is twelve,</p><p>and he falls horribly ill</p><p>and nobody even <em> cares </em> and he <em> moans </em> himself to sleep every night until a guest <em> accidentally </em> finds his room and takes pity on him and <em> secretly </em> brings him a healer who makes sure he stays alive but can do little else to help.</p><p> </p><p>jaskier is thirteen,</p><p>and he knows he’s nothing but a disappointment</p><p>because that’s all his parents ever say, that’s all <em> anyone </em> ever says, even the girl who’d promised to love him forever and then <em> left </em> when he couldn’t give her what she wanted, and he can’t give <em> anyone </em> what they want, not even <em> himself </em>-</p><p> </p><p>jaskier is fourteen,</p><p>and he knows he is unlike the others</p><p>because he likes to write and <em>explore</em> and the others like to fight and leave <em> bruises </em> and he doesn’t fit in at all and it all kind of <em> hurts </em> but there’s <em> nothing </em> he can do.</p><p> </p><p>jaskier is fifteen,</p><p>and he knows heartbreak is written into his destiny</p><p>and he doesn’t even <em> think </em> to change it because even the kind boy with the winks had given up on him and his <em> siblings </em> pretend he doesn’t exist and he’s so <em> tired </em>of switching between invisible and a nuisance.</p><p> </p><p>jaskier is sixteen,</p><p>and he cannot live with the pain anymore</p><p>so he runs away, and he runs and <em> runs </em> and doesn’t stop until his lungs <em> ache </em> and his feet <em> throb </em> and there is <em> nothing </em> behind him except the sound of silence and the hushed whispers of the wild wind urging him on and on and <em> on </em>-</p><p> </p><p>jaskier is seventeen,</p><p>and he is finally just <em> jaskier; </em></p><p>he is a <em> bard </em> and he is free to do nothing but sing his songs, even if it means he finds his food <em> thrown </em> at him rather than given to him, and it takes time but he <em> grows </em> and he <em> learns </em> and life finally starts to feel like something he <em> likes </em>.</p><p> </p><p>jaskier is eighteen,</p><p>and he finds himself a witcher,</p><p>and it’s <em> everything </em> he’s ever wanted even if the witcher doesn’t feel the same and that’s okay because his heart, his <em> foolish </em> heart, guides his feet wherever the witcher goes and he loses yet another lute only to have it <em> blessedly </em> replaced and that has to be some sort of <em> sign </em>-</p><p> </p><p>jaskier is eighteen,</p><p>and his life changes for the better</p><p>because following a witcher is dangerous but it is <em> thrilling </em> and he has <em> never </em> had more inspiration and everyone starts to sing <em> his </em> songs and toss <em> coins </em> instead of stale bread.</p><p> </p><p>jaskier is eighteen,</p><p>and he falls head over heels in love</p><p>with the famous white wolf, the white wolf who <em> rarely </em> uses his name and <em> sometimes </em> leaves him behind but <em> usually </em> comes back or finds him again and <em> saves </em> him from nobles and accidentally <em> curses </em> him but lets him stick around despite everything.</p><p> </p><p>jaskier is eighteen,</p><p>and he has travelled the continent;</p><p>he’s seen more monsters and mages than most and he <em> loves </em> it, he <em>lives</em> for it even if it does put his life at risk, because it’s <em> always </em> worth it when geralt, albeit reluctantly, <em> cares </em> for him and makes sure he stays <em> relatively </em>unharmed.</p><p> </p><p>jaskier is eighteen,</p><p>and he knows he is a second choice</p><p>because, truly, there is <em> nothing </em> he could <em>possibly</em> have to offer that could compete with yennefer and her <em> magic </em> and her <em> beauty </em> and he’s back to being <em> helpless </em> and all he can do is write a ballad in her name and <em> watch </em> from a distance as his heart breaks yet <em> again </em>-</p><p> </p><p>jaskier is eighteen,</p><p>and he climbs a mountain to find a dragon,</p><p>an actual <em> dragon </em> , and it should be <em> amazing </em> but it’s <em> violent </em> and they almost plummet to their deaths and then he wakes up <em> alone </em> and then- and then he is <em> rejected </em> yet <em> again </em> and this time it <em> hurts </em> so, <em> so </em> much because he’d thought they would <em> always </em> stay together but <em> his </em> witcher doesn’t want him anymore, has perhaps <em> never </em> wanted him, and he truly feels like <em> less </em> than nothing and <em> oh </em> , how it <em> hurts </em>-</p><p> </p><p>jaskier is eighteen,</p><p>and he remains eighteen</p><p>but he could not care<em> less, </em> for life no longer <em> means </em> anything to him and there is a brutal, <em> gaping </em> void where his dear heart should be and he feels empty, silent, so much like the <em> weed </em>he had named himself after.</p><p> </p><p>jaskier is eighteen-</p><p>jaskier is <em> always </em> eighteen-</p><p>but jaskier is filled with <em> pain </em> and his pain is <em> timeless </em> and jaskier is <em> lost </em>-</p><p>so jaskier is eighteen</p><p>but jaskier is not entirely sure if he still <em> is </em>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>me? bringing pain to my faves? more likely than you think. (sorry jaskier)<br/>hope you enjoyed whatever this is !!</p><p>thanks for reading !! toss a kudos / comment? x</p></blockquote></div></div>
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